Over halfway through 2018, Radha had continued trying to put her house on the market. People coming to view the house became a regular basis, and it was incredibly frustrating as I had to wait until they left so I could lock my bedroom door and go about my business. My rent had gone up a bit and things were getting a little tough financially. One of my friends, Mike who was also a colleague of mine, and I were walking back to the bus stop on the way home from the pub. I told him about my difficult situation. He got a bit emotional when I was explaining it all. He suggested he would try and help in anyway he can and made a very generous offer in giving me some cash to tide me over for the rent and other expenses. I was a little overwhelmed by his lovely gesture and I couldn’t accept it, but he insisted to help me out and there was no rush to pay it back until I got myself a secure job. I gave him a huge hug and thanked him. ‘I’ll never forget it this, Mike!’ and ran towards the bus that quickly was coming up towards my stop.
It must have been a month or so that had passed since I fell on hard times. I had been looking for work and each meeting with a recruiter was as I expected.
Completely unhelpful.
I must have been applying for over 50-100 jobs a day and it was so gruelling and absolutely soul-destroying, but I had to keep going and maintaining a positive attitude. After all, it just couldn’t get any worse. With a bit of luck, I had a call from a recruiter. Thinking it was going to be a usual pointless conversation about what I was looking for etc, turned out to be surprising one. She was wondering if I was still looking for work and said that there was some temporary work available in Central London. ‘Very repetitive and boring, but you’ll be paid for it. However, it’s only temporary work until I find more bookings. Let me know if you’re interested asap!’ I agreed to it and she explained how to fill in the forms she would email to me. It wasn’t consistent but at least it was something and I was getting a bit of money at the end of it. She would also look for permanent roles for me as well as doing bookings in the process. She was so helpful and kind and had this such amazing positive energy about her, she made me feel at ease. This lady who I go by the name, Summer.
So, I carried on doing temporary work through Summer’s agency for at least 6 months, and Mike was also giving me a little bit of money here and there if I needed extra for the rent or food, etc. Summer had helped me out so much and the best thing about it was not being tied to one place. I loved the experience and I learned a lot. She was an angel and I will always be grateful for her help.
In September that year, Radha announced that someone was interested in buying her house and was waiting for the final offer to fall through. She was so happy and phoned all her family to help her out with getting some boxes. However, it meant that I would have to leave within 3 months. It was very weird because she had suggested in the past that I would go with her if I wanted to. Now that the real side of her had surfaced, there was no way in hell I would move out with her.
It was now approaching the end of September and I had told Robbie about the stress of finding another place to live. We both wished I could move in to his. But after pleading with his mum, Marie if I could, she said at the time that it wouldn’t work. She wanted us to have more holidays together and experience what it would be like living together. She was worried that it would become complacent and might not work out. It was understandable. It was put to the test once, when his mum and sister had gone on holiday for a week and we were on our own in the house. So we had experienced it in a way, and it went well. So Robbie tried to explain how terrible my situation was and I needed to find a place quickly. We were together 3 years at this point so we had proved that it will work. It was a stressful few days but I went about my daily business as usual and just hoped a miracle would happen soon.
On a quiet journey home coming back from being out with some friends, my phone rang. It was Marie. She made a decision and said it was very hard thinking about all of this. But knew that Robbie and I have been together for a while and we’re happy. So…
I could stay!
Suddenly, it felt like all the weight from the stress was lifted off my shoulders. I was over the moon and nearly broke into tears of joy. ‘Marie, you won’t regret this. I promise!’ She assured that by doing this, I could save up and think about both our futures. It was the best feeling I had in a long time. I had replayed the moment in my head just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Robbie didn’t know the news yet so I sent him a very surprising text awaiting for him once he finished work. He was so happy.
I strolled in the house and broke the news to Radha. I thought she’d at least been a bit pleased for me. How wrong was I?
I gave her one months notice from then and she agreed I leave within that time.
I clearly said the moment she announced she would be hopefully moving, that once I find a place I would let her know in advance. It ended up in a huge disagreement because she was adamant that I said I found a place a few weeks ago and told her. She had got totally confused, and once again had taken what I said completely wrong. She never listened and clearly only heard what she wanted to hear. But I wasn’t going to waste my breath and just said ‘Okay, Radha. Whatever you say!’ She flipped out and said I was a nasty little girl! ‘Little girl?’ I shouted back at her. Stop twisting things and treating me like a child! You know exactly what I have been through and you said before how sorry you felt for me but all you do is shout at me and treat me like crap!’ She was so offended and told me to ‘fuck off!’ I shut my door and she then blurts out something that made me shake with rage. ‘ Thats it, then! You get a boyfriend and now you’re moving out. You’re going to fuck off and live with him and his family! You’ve changed! I wonder how his mum is going to put up with you? You better make sure you change your attitude. Everything is all your fucking fault anyway!’
She sounds jealous.
What on earth was she talking about? I stormed out my room. That’s it!
‘I’m sorry? What do you mean it’s all my fault?!’ She paused for a second. Basically, she explained that I brought her nothing but bad luck and that everything was my fault since I moved in.
‘How dare you!’ I screamed back at her. ‘I can’t claim job seekers allowance because of you and you’re not declaring me as a lodger here. You have made living here so difficult for me. You criticise every little thing I ever do and every time I say something it’s like I’m walking on egg shells because you’re too sensitive. I can’t win!’ She tried to defend herself and excused the reason for her unpredictable personality, because she thought something was wrong with her, and that if I didn’t accept it by now then I’ve got a problem. But it was all bollocks to me. I shook my head at her with pity. I didn’t speak to her the rest of the night. I was too upset.
The next morning was quiet and she tried to be friendly with me but i just replied with one worded answers. I called Robbie and he said to just come round and stay over. I left the house and texted her that I won’t be home. She didn’t reply. ‘This is going to be a long month’, I thought.
Butterflies and Rainbows - Katie's Journey 