You always hear that cliche, ‘Time is a great healer’. Yes, I have heard it all before and to be quite honest, you never really get over it. I don’t understand how anyone would be able to get over somebody that they’ve lost at some point in their lives. Being fourteen years old at the time, losing a parent at a time in your life where you need their support and perhaps some guidance is a huge loss. The worst part of it all, was that our mum having to accept that her husband, the man she had been married to for over 30 years, had now gone.. A part of her had died. Heartbroken, lost. It took me some time to listen to this well known phrase but I realised that time will help you learn to accept what has happened.
And that’s the hardest part…
Since that beautiful miracle that took place at the funeral, I could not stop thinking about it from that day on. It made me have a lot of questions to ask, ‘ What does it all mean?’ ‘Is this the answer to what happens at the end?’ That, I will never know because nobody has come back to tell us. Our family and relatives would have discussions about it over the phone which sometimes would go on all day. The worst times was at night, I would hear mum moaning in distress whilst sleeping. She’d suddenly scream and wake up in cold sweats. Even her dreams were sometimes just too much to bear.. I would quietly knock on the door and she’d let me come in and get into the bed with her to keep her company. Max would notice me walk in and would also come in to comfort mum – giving her a warm cuddle.
We knew it wasn’t going to be easy. There would be very dark days where we feel we’ll never overcome this, whereas other days would feel different. But as long as we looked up..
Mum’s brother, Frances and Auntie Yvonne were brilliant towards us. We took a break. Time out away from the flat, away from reality for a little while by them taking us to spend some quality time with them in Kent. The cousins would pop round and give us a warm embrace. It felt good to know that they were all there to look after us – especially mum (at least she was able to sleep easier). One morning, we headed to town as my Aunt had to run a few errands. Mum decided to walk off and have a look around by herself at all the little shops. Max, James and I slowly followed her. We walked into a tiny jewellers and watched mum gazing at the rings with awe.
Little did we know, another surprise was just around the corner..