This is a common phrase that is seen a lot when we’re scrolling through our much loved social media feeds – a lot of motivation pages, quotes and videos, ‘LOVE YOURSELF’. It sounds such a cliche but it is very true, especially when it comes to self esteem and self acceptance.
What can I say from my experience? Well, self -esteem didn’t seem to be an issue when I was little in the family home. I felt a lot more confident and not afraid to open my mouth, until it was in a school environment or other social settings is where it really became a problem. I had struggled with shyness, particularly in primary school which sounds a bit absurd because at home I was very different but this happens to a lot of us. I was a very small, blonde girl, intelligent and loved by my teachers but the shyness was such a huge problem as I didn’t have the confidence to express how I felt, and always had this notion that whatever came out of my mouth, I somehow would end up getting told off. It sounds crazy as why would that not affect me at home? Simply put, I couldn’t be my full self at school. I had struggled with making a lot of friends and had been bullied for a period of time. It wasn’t until I auditioned for a part in the school play and got the lead role, that I finally gained my confidence again.
It didn’t stop at primary school. Yes, secondary school I had a level of confidence but, in terms of being happy with the way you look was another huge issue for me. I had always got on with boys at school, was referred to as the ‘safe one’ because my brother attended the same school as me. It was kind of a banter to show respect. Funny, how we had crazy sort of school/street slang! I didn’t really understand it but went along with it as you do haha! I had a few girl friends but I didn’t really have a huge circle of friends in general. Going through adolescence was pretty tough, especially when you’re experiencing grief for the first time at 14 years old and trying to deal with that at the same time. Understandably, there were times I had retreated back into my shell because I was scared of being mocked or judged. I had a lot of friends who were guys but even showing an interest in one of them was a complete humiliation when they found out. I remember a guy in my year group had walked right up to my face outside the school grounds sneered at me, ‘YUCK!’ he said and murmured sounds of disgust so you can imagine how awful that was! I didn’t even like him! But he still felt the need to mock my appearance. I was still very short, wore glasses and didn’t look anything like the popular prettier girls in my year group. Social media was around like Facebook but I was always the last one to even start using it, so in terms of trying to connect and try and get the popular ones to show an interest in me, was pointless as it was too late and I wasn’t that bothered in the end when they moved on to something else. Plus, that was the year of Year 11 and sixth form so it wasn’t worth trying as everyone was leaving anyway.
When I finally left school that’s when everything changed. It got to a point where I had become very fed up as I was unemployed for over a year and was nearly a recluse. Not just because of not having enough money, but it affected my self worth too. It was pretty tough for a while and felt like giving up looking at times. I finally got a job in a supermarket and that’s when this confidence returned again. I was making new friends with colleagues and decided to experiment more with hair and fashion. A couple of small changes like adding highlights in my hair, wearing new outfits really made a difference! Started to get a lot of compliments at work and even got attention from guys. School is such a small part of your life and when you enter the big wide world, it becomes so insignificant you wonder why did you even worry so much in the first place?
Since then, I am a much more confident person, I am not afraid to have an opinion and feel a lot more happier in myself. Occasionally, I get my ‘ugly’ days but who doesn’t? Social media has played a part in self esteem due to the editing and filters that most of us are guilty of using. The reality it doesn’t build a realistic perception of oneself. That’s why a lot of us, especially young women are suffering with self esteem issues. Now, these self love and motivational posts are slowly building popularity as it focuses on what is actually real and natural. That’s what we need to promote. Reality. To be real. Natural, and most importantly, to be you. A wise person said that no one can ever clone YOU! ( Well not yet, anyway.. Haha!). Just be you and accept and embrace the unique person that you are…
Butterflies and Rainbows - Katie's Journey 