Picking myself up and carrying on again..

So, since that amazing special moment that happened at my cousin Dan’s, Max and I spent the last few years trying to adjust to a sense of normality again. A lot has happened during this time – a one very long rollercoaster journey..

As I had mentioned in my previous post, the flat that we had lived in almost 10 years, and that we had tried to live a somewhat period of healing the huge hole in our hearts, had to be given up. It wasn’t fair as it although was a place with not-so happy memories, it was still our home. The council gave us a bit of breathing space over the Christmas of 2014, so we didn’t have to pay rent that month. We were told that we’d be given a notice to quit in April 2015, and that we would have found suitable housing within those few months. Uncle Brian had tried to advise us and give us some advice such as trying to contact our local MP, in the hope that they would take our tragic circumstances into consideration and that we would fight to stay put.

But it didn’t work. I had spoke to various charities but I wasn’t getting anywhere.

‘Maybe it was for the best..’, I thought to myself. One of my close friends, Veronica, who was there for me before and during Mum’s passing had always been there for me and we became quite close for a few years, and more so when we became colleagues. But one late evening when her mum Sara, was kindly dropping me off home, she started saying some very cruel things out of the blue. It was so hurtful that we fell out. The first one was, ‘Why have we got to keep dropping Katie off home, mum? It’s annoying. Why can’t she just go home herself! She sounded very childish. I turned and looked at her confused. ‘Because I want to make sure she gets home safe.. she’s had a tough few weeks’, Sara said. And the next one really stabbed me in the heart which was…

‘I don’t like it when people smoke and your mum died of cancer because she smoked too much. It was her own fault!’. Oh my god! I wanted to slap her around the face! ‘How can you say that to me?’ I shouted at her. ‘Well it’s true’, she said coldly. Then filled with rage, I then burst out, ‘After everything that I’ve been through with my poor mum and you come out with this! You are a disgrace and one selfish spoiled bitch!’ Her mum had a horrified expression on her face and told her to apologise to me immediately, but Veronica didn’t seem to care. I told Sara to get me out the car and away from her sight. I burst into tears walking home and called my friend up to tell him what happened. He was as shocked as I was and told me to ignore her. I even told Max about it too. He even said that there must be something really wrong with her for her come out with cold and evil words. I was so hurt and confused thinking about it the following day. She had been there for me through it all and I had always been her backbone. She had switched; completely out of character for someone who seemed to have such a kind and very sensitive personality. I refused to speak to her for a while and didn’t acknowledge any calls or texts from her. She was trying to get my attention and apologise but I wasn’t interested. There was no way I was going to forgive her that easily. Not after all that.

I asked some other close friends if they were able to put my brother and I up for a little while until we found suitable accommodation but unfortunately, there was no room for the both of us. Then Uncle Brian called us one day and offered to put us up for a few months until we got ourselves sorted – which seemed like a lovely idea. He said that we could start afresh and begin a wonderful life in Norfolk. However, I wasn’t so sure if it was the right thing for me. I had just begun to make some good friends and I still had my job down here in London. He suggested that I take a job transfer up there but there was no full-time positions, so I had to turn it down. But I was very grateful for the offer and expressed my thanks to him. However, Max decided that it was best for him to start afresh and move away to live with him instead. ‘I’ve got to get away from London, Kate. I’ve got to clear my head. This flat has too many bad memories and I feel it’s cursed, so it feels right for me. I’ll miss you lots though..’

I understood. It was hard to hear that but I knew that Max would feel much better mentally.

So what could I do next? I tried Uncle Kevin but their house was too full, and I most certainly couldn’t live with Uncle Frances and Yvonne as they lived far away. I had to make a decision quick. It left me with no other choice but to try and ring up Sara, and see if she could put me up. I said matter of factly, ‘It’s only temporary. I’ll be civil to Veronica and stay out of her way but I’m not forgiving her for this. Ever.’ She understood and knew that I wouldn’t be the problem living there, but she would as she knew she would possibly kick up a fuss.

She was right. And when April quickly came by and I finally moved in, it didn’t stop there.. It was just the beginning of another nightmare.

To be continued

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